Worship
by Elvin Magi
Summary: As much as Allen hated Kanda, he found himself seeing perfection the more he watched. But he has given Kanda the one thing that will destroy that delicate balance. Yullen.


Kanda was far from perfect. He was a jerk, he was cold, he treated the lives of others like trash. But the more Allen saw, the more perfect Kanda seemed.

All Allen could manage was kindness and soft words, fake smiles and broken promises. When it came down to things, no matter how much he wanted to save someone, he always fell short. And Kanda, ass that he was, was still strong. Every time Allen saw him fight—_truly_ fight when his life was on the line—Kanda never gave up. No matter if the Order had fucked up his life and he had no reason to fight for them. It was his duty, and the determination Kanda had, that steadfastness, was something Allen couldn't help but marvel at. Kanda would push himself not only beyond the limits of an average person, but beyond the limits of what even his own body could take. Kanda defied death. He could stare the Grim Reaper in the face and turn it away with the sheer will to keep on moving, to keep living until he reached that goal, which Allen was now afraid he had found.

Perhaps that scared him most. Because Kanda had become perfect in Allen's eyes, everything Allen needed to be but wasn't. Kanda had managed to drive the people who cared about him away from the secrets that hurt, without repelling them from him, without lying and being fake. Kanda had kept on moving even when Allen, to whom that was the sole reason for living, could not. Allen had drawn from that. Though he would never say it aloud, every time he found himself struggling, he'd remember how much Kanda did, and how _he_ never gave up.

But now Kanda had found his goal. And it was slowly sinking in for Allen. When he had set them free, all he wanted was for Kanda to finally be able to throw away the coldness and become truly, completely perfect. But as he was tied up, bound down, covered with seals and left to rot in the dark, fear and a realization washed through him. Kanda could give up now, because his goal hadn't been to keep moving, only to stay alive until he found _that person_. And curse Alma. Curse him because now Kanda no longer had any reason to keep pushing forward, to continue unconsciously motivating Allen. Curse him because Allen couldn't really bring himself to hate Alma either, because Kanda had loved him—completely, truly loved him. _Kanda_ had—perfect Kanda who, even if he cared, never cared enough to show it.

And damn Kanda. Allen couldn't hate either of them now. Because Kanda was just about damn near perfect and had in a sense, became God, or perhaps an angel to Allen. Not the false God that they were supposed to serve who had brought nothing but torment, lies, and misery, but what a god should be—loyal, strong, brutally honest, cruel. He had somehow dragged out the deep, heavy devotion from Allen that he supposed was expected he give to that false God. And only a god could do so, because he never intended to give _any_ degree of such attachment to anyone after Mana. A heavy devotion built of respect, awe, loyalty, and a growing desperate need to be around Kanda and serve him and somehow drag out the emotions from Kanda that he would show no one else. Because it was a privilege, and an alluring sin, to tempt what you worship away from the marble façade. Twisted smirks, violent rage, they were beautiful symbols of that god's true strength. But he had gotten too addicted. For that moment of approval, that moment of hearing his true name from smiling lips, Allen had hurled Kanda from the pedestal of invincibility, led Kanda away from infinite perfection, and had given to Kanda, Alma—the one thing that could lead him astray.

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><p>This really went off on a tangent... originally this was suposed to be a more general sort of "Yes, Kanda's not perfect, but his positive traits outweigh the bad" and it turned Allen into a sorta obsessed Kanda worshipper (just like the innner me! haha). It's totally not what I intended, but I'm kinda happy with it, given its the only inspiration I've gotten in months. I'll be editting this later, but for now I hope you enjoyed it and if you did a review would make my life so much better.<p>

Also, if there are any people still following me, oh my god, thank you, I don't deserve this. I'm an ass of an author who never updates anything because I am so uninspired and so picky. There's another short drabble I posted, but in regards to"Requiem of Memories"... I don't know. I'm really sorry and I swear I got inspiration the other day and worked hours and then it died. Don't really know what else I can say... forgive me?


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